Learning the Freedom of Honouring People Without Becoming Bound to Them
There are many things to be thankful for in life. When I look back on my journey, I see the countless people who invested into me — mentors, leaders, teachers, pastors, bosses, friends. Their belief, kindness, and sacrifice shaped me in ways I could never repay. Gratitude is right. Gratitude is biblical. Gratitude is honourable.
But somewhere along the way, gratitude became something else.
For years, I lived with a quiet pressure inside me — a sense that because someone helped me, I owed them something more than honour. I owed them allegiance. I owed them loyalty. I owed them access, compliance, or agreement. I owed them my decisions, my time, even my future. Their investment became an expectation… and eventually, an invisible burden.
It felt less like gratitude and more like entrapment.
Instead of feeling free, I felt obligated. Instead of growing, I felt weighed down. Instead of walking in God’s design for me, I was walking in the shadow of someone else’s expectations.
Yes, honour matters. Respect matters. But when honour becomes a leash — when gratitude becomes a currency — when “investment” becomes a subtle way of controlling someone’s choices — it is no longer healthy. It becomes a stronghold.
And strongholds do not lead you to freedom; they lead you to anxiety, guilt, and fear.
The Turning Point
My life changed when I learned this powerful truth: “Be thankful for the people who invested in you — but you are not obligated to them.”
It freed me.
Suddenly, living wasn’t about pleasing people.
- It wasn’t about repaying organisations.
- It wasn’t about “staying loyal” to someone’s version of your destiny.
- It wasn’t about bending under expectations placed on you.
It became about growing, glowing, and gaining into who God designed me to be.
It took years — and a lot of breaking — to come to this place. But when I looked back, I realised something sobering:
Some of the most “kind” contributions into my life had become hooks. Not always intentionally, but real nonetheless. Those hooks were used to keep me close, keep me compliant, or keep me connected to someone else’s agenda.
And that is not the life God calls any of us to live.
Gratitude Is Beautiful. Obligation Is Not.
Here’s the truth many struggle to say out loud:
- It doesn’t matter if they are bosses.
- It doesn’t matter if they are leaders or mentors.
- It doesn’t matter if they are priests or pastors.
You can honour them. You can appreciate them. You can even love them.
But you are not obligated to them.
Your primary obligation is first to the Lord — then to your spouse and your family.
Everything else is stewardship, not slavery.
Don’t Be Manipulated by “You Owe Me.”
Some will say it quietly. Some will hint at it. Some will spiritualise it. Some will manipulate it.
- “After all I’ve done for you…”
- “You wouldn’t be here if not for me…
- “You owe this ministry your loyalty…”
- “Submit, because I invested in you…”
Do not fall for it.
Remember this:
- Not all submission is biblical.
- Not all loyalty is healthy.
- Not all expectations are God-honouring.
Be thankful — yes.
Be honourable — always.
Be loving — definitely.
But be discerning.
Choose Freedom Over Pressure
You do not owe your future to someone because they invested in your past.
You do not owe allegiance to someone because they once believed in you.
You do not owe access to someone because they gave you an opportunity.
You do not owe your calling to someone because they supported your journey.
Gratitude should never bind you.
Honour should never control you.
Investment should never imprison you.
Final Encouragement
Be thankful. Deeply thankful. But do not be obligated.
Honour those who helped you — but obey the God who called you.
Celebrate those who sowed into you — but walk in the identity God formed in you.
Respect those who guided you — but never surrender your God-given direction to their demands.
Your life is not a repayment plan.
Your calling is not a contract.
Your destiny is not up for negotiation.
Walk free. Walk thankful. Walk in the design of God — without the weight of unhealthy expectations.
